I'm still very much in that moment in between. Searching for jobs and a means of income, but starting to see my world take shape a little bit more. I'm starting to plan how I will spend my free time now that I'm entering into a structured phase of life. This week is very much the beginning of that. I'm taking steps to put myself on a healthy path for both my body and my mind. 

I've always struggled with my weight and my body image. As a teenager, I hated taking my shirt off in front of people, at the beach or in a changing room. There was a period of time when I was in school that I used to get changed for PE in the bathrooms rather than the changing room with everyone else. I used to always swim wearing a tshirt. Even now I'm nervous about it still. The one time in my life where I started to feel comfortable in my own skin was during the first lockdown. I went on a serious health buzz. I was eating very healthily and I was running almost every day. I lost a serious amount of weight and I felt class. Then I came back to college, lost the routine and put all the weight (plus probably a bit more) back on again. The difference was having the time and the focus during lockdown to concentrate on it. It became my routine rather than trying to fit it into a routine. 

I'm in the perfect position to get going again now. I need to introduce healthy eating and a fitness regime as a constant in my life. When I commit to a job, whatever hours I may be working, these things will be instilled in me already. It's like a preface to a chapter, the preparation for the story to begin. My sister was a great help to me during that first lockdown when I was trying to lose the weight and get fit. The most important lesson she thought me is that fitness isn't how far you can run or how long you can run for, it's the recovery time after you've ran. I went for my first run in well over six months yesterday and it nearly killed me - I lay on my couch wheezing for about a half hour. When I was able to stand up again, I did a few stretches and washed myself. I'm a bit achey in places today, but not as bad as I thought I'd be. The next one will be easier. 

I went for a swim on Sunday in Seapoint. Sea swimming is the most rewarding experience in the world. I suffered from a phobia of sea swimming for years, which I only tackled last summer. I'm very proud that I got out to the water so early this summer. I want to make a habit of that. It refreshes me. I feel that if I keep running and I keep swimming, not only my fitness but my body confidence will vastly improve this summer. I'm really looking forward to the day I can walk into the sea without flinching, without any hesitation. That's a very achievable goal. 

I've also been getting the ball rolling on some musical endeavours. I've formed a band. We haven't rehearsed yet. They haven't even heard the songs yet. But I can't wait to get into a room with them. That will be special. I'll be joined by Dillon Cotter on keys at the Rossa Murray show on Friday. I'm headed over to his for a rehearsal tonight. I love playing with Dillon. He's a phenomenal musician but also one of the most humble people in the world. The man is ridiculously talented but shows an incredible amount of grace and humility in every aspect of his being, musically and personally. I played a few shows with him in 2019/20 and they were some of the most enjoyable I've played. I can't wait to share a stage with him again. 

Also, I've ordered CDs! They should arrive in time for the gig on Friday. Two tracks - The Hope Song and the Summer Song. They'll be €5 each and you'll get a free sticker with it. The stickers will be €1 each and they will feature my brand new logo! Which I'm going to reveal below. 

All these little projects have kept me sane for the past week in this moment in between. Aoibhe, who is the love of my life, has been extremely patient with me. I feel like I've been hanging out of her, her company being an antidote to the boredom I think I'm experiencing. She's also listened to me speak about all these grand plans day in, day out for the past week. Actually, over the last month, while I've been experiencing a whole array of uncertainties and anxieties, she has been a rock, a constant. She has her own stresses, her own things to be doing, but she's witnessed the tumultuation of the past week and beyond and lent her ear and her words of wisdom. I'm extremely grateful to that girl. She makes me feel like a truer version of myself. Even when we're sitting in silence in each other's company, there's a comfort there that is so rare between people. She is the patient witness to all the chaos that follows me at the moment. While eating healthier and making sure I do enough exercise are two things I really want to introduce to my life, she is the only constant I really need. 

I'll talk to you again next week. For now, keep in by the wall and mind the buses. 

All the best, 

T x